Funny Jokes

Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Every time!
WIFE says No, it means -
With Idiot for Ever


Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked: Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: Im writing 2 my 6 yr old son, he cant read very fast.


Sardar proposed a Girl...... Girl said Im 1yr elder to you
Sardar proposed a Girl...... Girl said Im 1yr elder to you........... Sardar said Oye No Problem Soniye, Ill marry you NEXT YEAR.




Sardar to Girlfriend
Sardar to Girlfriend= Darling main tum se shaadi nahi karsakta gharwale mana karrahe hai. Girlfriend= Tumhare ghar me kaun kaun hai. Sardar= 1 biwi aur 3 bacche...



A sardar-Doctor falls in Love
A sardar-Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse. He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister....




Two Lovers Plan to die
2 Lovers plan to suicide. Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind. Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.

Funny Jokes

Mammu

Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain

Yeh to unke bache hee kamine hain,

Jo Mammu-Mammu bulaate hain.


Papa
1st Child: Mere Papa Bahut Darpok Hain.
2nd Child: Why?
1st Child: Jab Bhi Road Cross Karte Hain, Meri Ungli Pakad Lete Hain aur kehte chhodna mat.

Mard ki life

Har mard ki life dekho to

Without shadi SPIDERMAN

Shadi k time SUPERMAN

Shadi k bad GENTLEMAN

or Biwi khubsurat ho to puri umar WATCHMAN

2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy
2 Sardars looking at Egyptian mummy.Sardar1:Look so many bandages, pakka truck accident case. Sardar2: Aaho, truck nambar bhi likha hai. BC-1760!!


Teacher asked a boy
Once a math's teacher asked a boy:
If U have 12 chocolates,
U give 4 to Huma,
5 to Sobia and 3 to Maliha
What wil U have?
He replied: 3 new girlfriends.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !

Funny Jokes

Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Father: Tumhe kaisi biwi chahiye?
Son: Mujhe chand jai si biwi chahiye, Jo raat ko aaye aur subha chali jaye

Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Patient : I always see spots before my eyes.
Doctor : Didn't the new glasses help?
Patient : Sure, Now i see the spots much clearer.!!

Early to bed and early to rise
Early to bed and early to rise makes ur girlfriend go out with other guys.


Husband asks, Do u know the meaning of WIFE.
Husband asks, Do u know the meaning of WIFE.
It means...Without Information Fighting Evrytime!
WIFE on hearing this says,
it could also mean-With Idiot For Ever.

Doctor to Patient : The check which u gave
Doctor to Patient : The check which u gave me has returned back.
Patient to Doctor:The head-ache for which you gave me medicine has also returned back.

Why did sardar cut the sides of medicine:

Why did sardar cut the sides of medicine before eating it ? think think think to avoid sde EFFECTS.

How Old is ur father
Tcher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.

Ek sawal...14 FEB VALENTINES
Ek sawal...14FEB VALENTINES DAY ko log AISA KYA KARTE HAI KI THEEK 9 MAHINAY BAAD 14 NOV KO "CHILDREN DAY" MANANA PADTA HAI.

Jokes

It's the end of the day at a cricket tournament in Sharjah and India as usual has lost yet another game to Pakistan.
At that very moment Mohammad Azharuddin gets a call from his wife. She says, "Darling, have you bought all the gifts that I had asked you to get for me?" He replies, "Well, I'd really like to, but the crowd outside is waiting to beat me up, so I can`t leave my hotel room."

His wife replies, "That's no problem, honey. Just dress yourself as a lady. You should have no problem leaving the hotel." Azhar does just that and goes shopping around. No one recognizes him anywhere until he reaches the last shop. That's when he hears a cheery, "Hi Azhar, it's nice to see you here!"

Totally shocked, he turns around to see a lady in a burkha. "How the heck did you know that it was me?"
The lady replies, "Don't worry yaar. It's me, Rahul.

Software Engineer Husband

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.

Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.

Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife - at least give me your credit card,
i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.

Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.

Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.

Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to
Reboot.

Wife - what is the relation between you & your
Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.

Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.

Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.

Wife - i will go to my dad’s house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will
Close.

Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.

Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.

Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.

Jokes

Difference between boys and girls while using ATM
(Bank's cash dispenser machines)

Boys:
1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser.
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip

Girls:
1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car - failure
8. Park the car - Success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phone card back in handbag,
12. Look for bank card.
13. Insert Card
14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written)in Handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code
21. Enter desired amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter bigger amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter maximum amount
26. Cross fingers
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Go out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake
47. Call boyfriend/husband to tell how miserable she was because of HIM.

Jokes

Top Ten Desi Dialogues:

10. Kuttay, Kammenay mai tumhe jaan se maar doonga
9. Mai tumhara ehsaan zindagi bhar nahin bhuloonga
8. Itnay paisay tum kahan se laaye?
7. Main tumharay bina mar jaa-oongi
6. Bacchhhaaaaaooooo.....
5. Arre isse to tez bukhar hai
4. Bataoo, heeray kahan hai
3. Tum mere liye mar chuke ho.
2. Police mere peechay lagi hui hai
1. Mai tumharay bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali hoon.

Best Of the Rest Dialogues:

Ghar mein do javaan betiyan hain
lo...muh meetha kar lo
mein yeh shaadi nahin hone doongi
aaj pinky ka janam din hai
Ma, tum kitni acchi ho
Aaj mein bahut khush hoon (usually to be followed by a tragic turn of events)
Nikal jaa mere ghar say...
Hatoe naa, log kiya kahengay
Khabardaar joe mujhay haat bhi lagaya
tumne apni maa ka dudh piya hai to...
jug jug jiyo beti/beta
gurkha, ise dhakke maarke bahar nikal do
Maine tumhe paal pos kar bada kiya...
Ab tumhari maa hamare kabze mein hai
Police ko tum jaise naujawanon par naaz hai
Driver, gaadi roko
Tum jaise gandi naali ke keede...
| Ek baar mujhe maa keh kar pukaro beta
aur yeh bechari begunnah hai. That's all, your honor
tazeerat-e-hind, dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim ko maut ki saza sunai jaati hai.
Mulzim ko Baa izzat bari kiya jata hai
Ab hum kisi ko muh dikhane ke layak nahin rahe
(hero/heroine opening their eyes on a hospital bed) Main kahan hun?
Kya isi din ke liye tujhe paida kiya tha?
"Maa main first class pass ho gaya hoon" followed by the jug jug jiyo beta
Yeh sauda tumhe bahut mehenga padega
Bhagwan, maine aaj tak tumse kuch nahin manga, aaj pehi baar kuch maang
aha/rahi hoon...

Jokes

One day two friends are bragging.
1st friend: My father has great eyes site like eagle, he is very
clever as fox, very brave like the Lion...
2nd friend: This means that I need to buy a ticket to the
Zoo to meet your Father??

A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody
of their child posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had
brought the child into this world, she should retain custody.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asked for his side of
the story too.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and argued,
'Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes
out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'
Hai koi jawaab???

A japanese couple have illegitimate twins, what do they name them?
Answer: Jo Hua , So hua

Three Indian soldiers, Jai Reddy (Tamil), Joy Bosu (Bengali), and Santa
Singh are captured by Pakistani Army. The Pakistani Corp commander doesnot
want to have them as POWs and has decided to execute them. They are asked
what they wish to have for their last meal.
The Reddy asks for a Masala Dosai, which he is served and then taken away.
The Bosu requests a Machli Bhath, which he is served and also taken away.
Santa requests Sarson ka saag and Makki di roti. The captors are surprised
and reply ' Sarson?'
'Yes, Sarson.'
'Arre Sarson to is season mein aati nahin hai!'
'Koi gall nahin. Asee intezaar karanga...'

When the Indians were being delivered their new fleet of fighter jets, an instructor espically came from Russia to explain the Indidan Air Force & Army the simplictiy of the operation of the planes (from Russia because India buys their planes from Russia)
So when the first plane was delivered, the instructor told the Indian Army " this has 3 buttons, the one on the top is to take off, the one on the left is to go left and the one on the right is to go right."
The soldiers nodded in understanding. But one soldier raised his hand and asked " But sir, how will we get down?"
The instuctor replied "Oh ! Leave that to the Pakistanis"

A Pakistani was sitting with an Indian and Malaysianin Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer, when all of a sudden Saudi police entered and arrested them. But, as it was a nationalholiday, the Sheikh decided they should be released after receiving 20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said:
"I allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
So the Malaysian guy thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back." This was done but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through.
The Indian guy, watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back". But even two pillows could only take 10 lashes before the whip went through again. Sheikh turned to Pakistani and said: "You are from a brother country, so you can have 2 wishes!"
"Thank you, Most Royal and Merciful Highness", the Pakistani replies.
"My first wish is: I would like to have 40 lashes."
"If you so desire", the Sheikh replies with questioning look on his face, "and your second wish?"
"Tie the Indian to my back", the Pakistani answers.

Jokes

Cool Sayings

There are three kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
. . . every morning is the dawn of a new error.
For people who like piece and quiet . . . a phoneless cord!
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Mental Floss prevents moral decay!
Madness takes aits toll. Please have exact change ready.
Be nice to your kids . . . they'll be the ones choosing your nursing home.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
There can't be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem.
Don't be so open minded that your brains fall out.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" . . . 'till you can find a rock!
Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Help Wanted: Telepath . . . you know where to apply.
Mechanic's slogan: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Dain bramaged.
Department of Redundancy Department.
Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

A lion held a huge party at his place ,He invited only his fellow lions.The
lions were dancing when a mouse also came a joined in.
The lion asked the mouse why he entered the party when the other species
were not invited.
The mouse said 'Shaadi se pehle main bhi sher tha'

Once a girl was drinking coke. She suddenly discovered a fly in her drink
and took it out from the coke.
The fly gave birth to a baby fly and died. The baby fly opened it's eyes
looked at the girl and said ,'maaa!'.The girl asked the baby fly,'main tumhari maa nahin hoon phir tu mujhe kyon maa bulati hai?'
The fly replied,'kyon kai maine tumhari coke se janam liya hai.'

Once it so happened in a flight that, James Bond was sitting besides a Telugu guy Both were traveling to US.
Telugu Guy: Hello May I know your name please?
James Bond: I am Bond... James Bond....... and you?
Telugu Guy: I am Sai... Venkata Sai... Siva Venkata Sai ... Laxminarayana
Siva Venkata Sai... Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Sitaramanjaneyula
Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai... Bulusupalli
Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...
Bond faints!!!!

Jokes

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned
to tell the salesman
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought.
He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut, new hair colour,
new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days, saw the salesman again.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"

What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you? Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears? Trying to hold on to a thought.

Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.

Jokes

Sardar ji is buying a TV
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

Sardar Ji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardar ji and hangs up.

Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"
He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."

What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

There was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then
we would become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd
was not. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL VERY WELL...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE
WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear? A wind tunnel.

Jokes

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"

Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother: Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh?"
" Aah, read a newspaper, it says that every 4th person born on the Earth now is a Chinese."

Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (it's the barking sound)
"Press the red button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!" "Sardarji!" "Woof."
Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder.

Jokes

Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off.
"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.
"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.
The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?"
"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger."

A Sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over him.
The Sardar says, "It is good that cows don't fly"

A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six.
One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.

Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.

Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him all of their burnt out light bulbs?
He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day.
"Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?".
"Because," said Banta Singh, "The directions on the can says 'put on two coats'."

Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting less each day,
he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can"

Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.

Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Sardar,a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the seat, and the Sardar took the door.
After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, can drink the fluid."
Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?"
So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."
Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?
He didn't know which "one" came first...

Jokes

Santa Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.
"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"
"No, this is eleven eleven."
"Well, wrong number. Sorry to have got you up on the middle of the night."
"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light. He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.
"What for did you put that match in your vest pocket?"
"That's a good match. I'll use it again."

A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on
Sardar: What do they get from that?
Bystander : The winner will get a prize
Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

Then there's the one about the Sardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a DISTANT relative of his...

One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo free of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.
Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."
The man replied, "No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.
" Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he wouldonly get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.
Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"

Jokes

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ?
I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back."

Santa Singh is called for an interview in some firm. He lands there on time. He is immediately hauled inside in front of the interviewing officer. Officer looks at Santa Singh then goes through his certificates and then starts asking him questions.
Following is the transcript :
O : Mr. Santa Singh, after seeing your qualifications & credentials I would like to ask you only some simple questions.If you can answer those then you are selected. First we will start with some opposites
S : Yes Sir.
Officer started asking questions
O : Above
S : Below
O : Front
S : Back
O : Left
S : Right
O : Male
S : Female
O : Ugly (means Next in Punjabi)
S : Pichhly (means Previous in Punjabi)
O : Ugly...U-G-L-Y( Officer spells it)
S : Pichhly...P-I-C-H-H-L-Y( Our Sardar also spells it)
O : U.....G.....L ...... Y.....(Officer shouts)
S : P ..... I ..... C ..... H ....... H ...... L ..... Y...... Our Sardar also shouts) Officer is now angry.
O : Get out
S : Come in.
O : Quiet please.
S : Talk please.
O : You are rejected.
S : I am selected
....... ....... and This is how Santa Singh got his job.

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar raheho?"
To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai, "Wash Basin".

Jokes

Pathan And The Ship

Once a cruise ship carrying people from all the nations was going on a around the world' tour when it got grounded. The ship became slow and finally came to a grinding halt.
Captain of the ship called an emergency meeting and told the passengers, "Friends, we are in trouble because of God's being angry with us. We need to give sacrifice and I need three people to sacrifice their life so that rest of us can be saved."

All of them moved towards the Deck where a japanese came forward and shouted "Long live japan" and jumped into the sea.Then a Israeli jew stepped forward said "Hellulaja" and dived into the sea.After that no one came forward for few seconds while people stared at each other and suddenly out of nowhere a Pathan came forward near the railing and chanted,

"Allah-u-Akbar" and Kicked the Indian standing next to him in the sea.

Song On 11 September

Main Niklaa Aeroplane Le Ke....
Raste Mein New York Pe...
Ik Mod Aaya .....
Main Trade Tower Tod Aaya...
Rab Jaane Kab Guzraa.... New York..........
Kab Pentagon AAya..
Main Uthey Aeroplane Fod aaya

Musharraf's Cabinet

Musharraf comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner, Vajpayee says to Musharraf: "Well Parvez, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant." "How do you know?" asks Musharraf "Oh well, it's simple", says Atal. " They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second".

He calls Advani over and asks him "Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Ah, that's simple", says Advani, "it is me!" "Well done Advani", says Vajpayee and Musharraf is very impressed. He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet.
He calls in his favourite member of cabinet and asks: "Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister? " He thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. "Can I think about it a bit further Sir? May I let you know tomorrow? ". "Of course", says Musharraf, "You've got 24 hours."

He goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer.Twenty hours later, the member of Musharraf's cabinet is very worried-still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says to himself: "I'll ask Bill Clinton, he's clever, he'll know the answer." He calls Clinton. "Mr.President", he says, "Tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?" "Very simple", says Clinton, "It's me!"

"Wonderful!" says the Cabinet member and hangs up. Jumping with joy realizing that he knows the answer, he rings Musharraf. "Sir, I've got the answer!".

"What is it?"

"It's Bill Clinton".

"No, you idiot", says Musharraf, "It's Advani".